Navigating Life Choices: Embracing the Power of Selective Acceptance

You can either take what is handed to you and own it, or you can choose what and who you will be. You can hand back those labels that don’t fit. Only, I don’t think most people realize that this is a choice. As soon as you add in the factor of fear, your fate is sealed. You see, when there is already a belief, buried deep in your unconscious, that you weren’t enough, you couldn’t get that job, that potential partner is too good for you, whatever it is, when you already have that mindset, and then someone says something that aligns with that belief, or life deals you a blow, it just cements it. “I knew I wasn’t good enough!” you tell yourself, realizing that some people just have bad luck or a bad life.

This mindset is easy to fall into, and not so easy to get out of. I have been there many times. I can’t count the number of times that I just accepted life. I did this a lot during my marriage, when my ex was showing controlling and narcissistic traits. When he said things to put me down, I truly believed I was the problem. I didn’t question if there was any possibility I could be right when he told me that it was my fault he was in a bad mood. When he changed his words and lied to me, I believed my memory was going. When I found out he was seeing other people, I believed what he said about how it was my fault. If I were skinnier, or wore more makeup, or did my hair the way he liked it, he wouldn't look at other people, I told myself. I didn’t stop to question if he was being fair, if the situation was telling me the truth. 

I did start to learn, though. One day, I knew I had had enough. I packed my bags, our two toddlers, and threw our stuff into my old pickup. During the first week of the COVID Lockdown, we moved into a yurt in the middle of nowhere. For the first time in my 24 years of life, I hadn’t taken what was dealt. It felt weird. I had carved my path. However, the universe quickly showed me that carving my path had consequences.

Within a week, I realized he had closed down our shared bank account. I had nothing and no job. I had given my energy to making a home and raising our children since the age of 19. I hadn't gone to school or built a resume. Was I to go back? Had I been too hasty, thinking I could make it without him? I began doubting myself again. That familiar fear came rushing back, rearing its ugly head, mocking me. “You thought you could do this alone, and look where that brought you!” I considered going back. For one long moment, I watched my life unfold in front of me if I took that route. I had already gone back once. If I were to return to him and resume our marriage, I saw myself as someone who would have financial security, a home for my kids, and my title being “his wife” again. I knew it would come at the cost of no personal freedom, no voice, and no mental or emotional security. I knew I would live a life that was constricted, fed by fear, and one in which I would never realize my own potential. In that instant, I very ungracefully vowed I would prefer to end my life than go back. Not the most cool-headed, but it was that serious.

To hear more of this story, you can read Becoming Strength, available on my website and Amazon

In that choice, I said no to fear again. None too elegantly, but it’s the intention that counts, right? Anyway, the universe heard. She knew I was serious about changing my circumstances this time. And she answered. Within two days of that fateful event, I had been offered a job and even given childcare for my babies! Thus began the telling of a new story. One in which I didn’t have to just take what was handed to me. One in which the stereotype was proved wrong. The picture of what I thought my life would look like, and what I chose to make it look like, had gone up against one another. I had said no to the lies and the hand that was dealt me. Later on, I would learn that, at a soul level, I had very intentionally planned this, with the guiding hand of a loving God. I would realize that my destiny was to end the cycles of addiction and mental illness that were rampant in both my own family and my ex-husband's family. It would end with my children. None of this had been an accident.

If I had stayed and continued to spoon-feed myself the lies that I deserved this, that what I got was what I had earned, I would have never found the path.

Sometimes, we have to leap even when we don’t know what lies below. Sometimes we have to tell the universe, God, and ourselves that we will rise above. A common misconception among religious people is that when you suffer, you have to sit there and take it. Fighting to overcome it is wrong. You will be given some great blessings for enduring hardship. While we are given challenges during this Earthly embodiment, many are specifically for us to overcome. Many are put in our path that we might fight to become more than the challenge. You can choose to climb the mountain you are facing, or you can choose to stay stuck in the snow at the base, shivering until you freeze to death. Even amidst the most challenging times, there is always something we can do to say no to the hand dealt us.

If this is you, friend, and you are feeling overwhelmed by the unfairness of the hand life has dealt, I encourage you to rise above. When you set the intention to move past it, to overcome it, you will be guided. Your spirit team, God, the universe, and all of the unseen forces will partner to give you the gift of a new direction. But you, my dear, must first choose it.

Suppose you are interested in hearing more about my story. In that case, I invite you to check out my book Becoming Strength, where I share my narrative of overcoming religious abuse, re-routing my life after an abusive marriage, gaining my independence, and healing at a soul level.