Do You Have Dating Trauma? Understanding What PTSD from the Early Stages of Dating is and How to Heal

Everyone talks about how you need to give yourself time to heal after a failed relationship, before diving into another one. But is it possible to give yourself too much time? What if you are actually giving yourself “time” by choosing not to even try? What about the fear of dating again? Do you have dating trauma? No, I’m not talking about trauma from a relationship, but trauma from first or second dates gone wrong. PTSD from dating is real y'all! Have you ever been ghosted? Blocked by someone you were interested in? Had a talking stage that dragged on and on, slowly turning into that situationship gray area? You may have dating trauma!

In today’s world, it has never been so easy to ghost someone! To simply hit a button, and poof! They are gone, is much easier than it was when you had to physically go to their house and tell them to their face that you no longer wanted to court them, and break it off. With the internet at our disposal, a whole new level of trauma has been made available to you. What about the match on tinder who you found was dating three of your friends, AFTER you slept with them? Or the one who showed up on the news, wanted for murder, after your third date? (okay I may have dramatized that one just a bit, but you get the point).

Putting yourself out there again is scary, and it can be easier to just want to give up altogether. If this is you, friend, I can relate. In a world where many don’t value real connection, and many more are dishonest, it is important to be vigilant. Acknowledgment and giving yourself grace is also important. Regardless of how long you were seeing someone, rude and inconsiderate behavior IS traumatizing. It DOES leave a hesitance to want to try again, and getting ghosted can hurt more than a long-time relationship sometimes, because it often sends the sign that we are not worthy of communication, let alone a partner. Following are some points to consider if you are struggling with dating trauma.

You’re not too picky, you just have standards. That is good, and if you keep them, they will help you meet someone worthy of your precious time. You won’t have to bend over backwards and accept inconsistent communication with the one who will eventually choose you.

Holding Yourself to Your Own Standard One way to make sure you are being fair with your expectations regarding texting, first few dates, and communication, is to make sure that you do the things you expect others to do. For instance, if you had someone who hardly ever text you back, and eventually ghosted you, now you might have that trauma and it might be triggered when someone else doesn’t text regularly, even though they are just busy. But if you also forget to text your friends back, (guilty over here), then you have to try to understand the other persons perspective. Many of us are trying, but we just kind of suck at texting back. If it’s a standard that you struggle with, then maybe it is time to re-evaluate by asking yourself where the root of the issue lies.

There is no judgment, only observation. Whatever you are experiencing with someone new, and whatever it is bringing up in you, is an important arrow towards where you may need to do more healing. You can only heal if you observe without judgment though.

Go Slow. If you are brave enough to try again, after all past experiences with dating, give yourself grace. Remember that it’s just another person, there is no right or wrong outcome, and it is all learning. This not only takes the pressure off yourself to make a commitment too fast, but also off the other person to try to be super human. The acknowledgment that, at the end of the day, we’re all just humans, trying to do our best, and some of us are trying to meet our person still, helps put things in perspective.

If you are still struggling with this, feel free to check out my book I Swiped Left Again: The Evolving Woman’s Guide to Dating, Twin Flames, and Healing. But remember, its okay to e selective. Standards are good, not bad. And yes, dating trauma is real, no matter what they told you. If you have ever been ghosted or blocked or stood up, leave me a comment about your experience! Happy Sunday y’all!

--S